Sunday, 20 February 2011

We'll all float on ok

I heard a version of this song on the radio the other day and since then it has been stuck in my head.. I saw Modest Mouse live a few years ago with Louise at Connect and they were great. This song is pretty repetitive though and starting to get on my nerves..

Anyway, I have had an incredibly busy week - well in my terms of busy! Last week was filled with tests which were pretty much non stop. I had my MRI on Wednesday, Thursday was (let's see if I can remember them all...) dentist, blood tests, hickman line rubbish, audiology, lung function test, ECG and a Chest X Ray and on Friday I had the MUGA scan. Thursday felt like an incredibly long day. I was really worried about the MRI from the day before (basically walking about all day convinced I had a tumour in my face somewhere) and at the audiology (hearing test) the lady told me my hearing has been hit pretty hard by the chemo. The doctors did tell me my hearing could be affected but I don't think I realised how much it was going to be. She showed me my results from June and Thursdays results and even I could see there was a pretty big difference. She said I now have a problem hearing high frequency's which didn't really mean much to me. I told her I've noticed quite a big difference when I am in a room full of people and I'm trying to talk to one person - I can't seem to shut out other conversations which makes it very hard to hear anything. I've never really had very good hearing and it's something I've always been quite sensitive about (not quite sure why). She also added that it will probably get worse after the next round of high dose and that I'll most likely need a hearing aid. As you can tell, I am not happy about this at all. It feels like my hearing is just adding to the, now extensive, list of things that makes chemo so rubbish. It seems quite contradictory that something, which is supposed to make you better, can cause so much other damage to your body.

On Friday morning I got a call from the Beatson to say that the MRI of my head was normal - I was so relieved. The annoying thing with all these tests is the waiting for the results. I constantly feel like I'm holding my breath waiting for someone to tell me bad news. I was so thankful it was fine, it had been a very stressful few days! The numbness has now spread to my bottom lip (it kinda feels like I've just been to the dentist). It is most likely the neuropathy moving it's way up (which is possible) or a vitamin deficiency (which we're waiting the bloods back on).

While I was in the MUGA scan on Friday (which lasts about 40 mins while they take pictures of your heart) all I could think about was this blue French Connection dress that I really wanted.. Yeah I know this sounds really lame but I don't care! I'd seen it in a couple of magazines and it was a limited edition dress (only 2000 being made) and was going on sale on Saturday. I was trying to think how I would get one without actually having to go into the shop at 9am the next day... I mentioned this to Jamie the night before in passing (well, I maybe spoke about it for a wee while) and when I got back on Friday the dress was sitting on my bed! I was very shocked for two reasons - 1. I didn't think the dress was out and 2. I didn't know Jamie listened when I talked about dresses! I have wanted a one shoulder dress for ages yet whenever I see one I like, the shoulder always seems to be on the right hand side. Now, normally this would not be an issue, however, when one has a hickman line it becomes more of a debacle. This dress has a REALLY big shoulder on the left hand side, which is perfect to cover the line. So, well done Jamie! It was Gordon's birthday last night so I got the opportunity to wear it then. So what if I was over-dressed for a curry! Ruth dressed up too so we were over-dressed together. It was a lovely night and a random lady even commented on how beautiful my hair was. I didn't tell her it was a wig... It was pretty funny though. Oh here's a picture of the dress - you can't really see it though!

Last Sunday we had the Devoti's round for lunch, they are the loveliest family. I had lots of party bags left over from my party (which I kinda forgot to give out.. Sorry) so we raided them for bubbles, yoyo's and the like.

The bracelet fitted Amily but not me...

I think these pictures are so cute.. James was taking snaps on his laptop which scared them a little bit!

I didn't make it to church today which I'm annoyed about. It was Communion this morning but I just didn't have the energy to get myself up. My back and my head have been getting quite sore as I'm getting GCSF injections again. I'm just being quite pathetic today, let's hope I get a good sleep and feel a bit brighter tomorrow!

The plan is still to go back down to London next Sunday. I've not really thought about it as whenever I do I get incredibly scared so I try to forget about it. However, I know it is gradually creeping up on me so I will have to think about it soon! Maybe not tonight though... I was given quite a few new books for my birthday (thank you!) so I'm going to start one of them tonight, think I'll get a cup of tea too. I also have a little tub of Granny's tablet beside my bed.. I was initially just hiding it from Dad but I quite like it being there.. Think I'll head now, I hope everyone had a lovely weekend.


  1. love you munchkin, I hoep you are feeling brighter this morning, in fact I am about to text you and check that you are, but I like to double communicate so hello!!


  2. ditto on what ruthie said! love you lady.

    Great work Jamie! That dress looks amazing on you, can't wait to see more photos.

    you have got modest mouse in my head now though. the only mouse I know to have catchier tunes is Rastamouse...