Blah blah blah

Good afternoon one and all. Well, I am still full of the cold but I think it is getting slightly better. I had my blood checked on Monday and I'm neutropenic again (down to 0.57 I think) which is rather irritating. If I'm still neutropenic on Monday they won't take my Hickman Line out. As of this, the prof has advised me to take a couple of GCSF injections to kick my white cells into gear. I hope this works as I am desperate to get this line out! As mentioned before, one of the side effects of GCSF with a low white count is a really sore back.. Cue lots of complaining from me this afternoon.. It comes in twinges and is rather painful but it normally goes away with painkillers. I've just taken a fair amount so let's hope that gets rid of it.

I've been sleeping a bit better but still feeling totally wiped. I can't seem to get out of my bed for hours in the morning as I just can't be bothered moving. Today I eventually left bed about 12 and Mum and I went to see Source Code starring Jake Gyllenhaal. It was really good! It was quite a short film but the time flew by. I wasn't overly keen on the ending but I thought the film generally was very well done. It was surprisingly funny at points and what girl doesn't like a film with Jake Gyllenhaal?! So yes, I would recommend this film.

My hands are still pretty tingly but they are definitely improving. Yesterday I spent the afternoon downloading some sheet music and I had a try of it this afternoon. I am rather messy when it comes to sight reading (mainly with rhythm) but I was surprised how much I was able to sludge through. I then thought I would try one of my favourite pieces and I managed to play it the whole way through! There were a couple of breaks to blow my nose (nice) and I made quite a few mistakes but in all I did OK. It was definitely the best I'd played it in months. One of the hardest parts is an ornament that leads into a chromatic scale and I managed to play it the whole way through first time! I was very pleased with this, first time in a long time.

There are still pictures of Teenie decorating the piano from her birthday. It's like Teenie's watching me whenever I'm playing...

I've been listening to the radio and my Ipod a lot recently and discovering how much music I had on my Ipod that I've never listened to! When I lived with Ruth and Amy I copied most of their CDs onto my ITunes so I've been going through some of them. I normally listen to the same stuff over and over again so I am quite enjoying listening to 'new' stuff.

At the moment my eyelashes are totally rubbish. They fell out AGAIN during the high dose and only some have grown back in. I'm hoping this is just a phase. Well it better be. I have had a love/hate relationship with make up throughout this past year. Some days I feel like I need to put it on as I hate looking 'ill' (kinda obvious when you're bald though). Other days I cannot be bothered and I feel like a total mess. I hated being in the hospital and having no make up on. I really don't like looking unwell. I guess it's a double edged sword though. When I'm out and wearing a hat I don't generally look unwell but I'm unable to stand in queues long or open doors. Sometimes when I really can't walk and I have to go in a wheelchair, I feel like a total fraud and that people are looking at me funny. I'm probably being totally paranoid but I think people do tend to treat you differently or look at you as to say, 'what are you doing in there?!'. This leads me onto shops and disabled access.. I guess you would never know until you have to but I've been quite shocked at the treatment of wheelchair users/shop layout in some places. One of my favourite shops, Topshop, has generally been quite good but when I was last in the Oxford Street Topshop in November it was dreadful. I had been out of the hospital a couple of days (after getting a round of high dose Etopiside) and had managed to walk a bit so we decided to attempt Oxford Street. After a wander round I was absolutely shattered and needed to sit down as sometimes your legs feel like they're about to give way. We went to the fitting rooms and asked if there was a disabled fitting room so I could get a seat. The girl just looked blanky and said she didn't know then walked away. I ended up sitting on the floor necking water as I couldn't hack standing any longer. She didn't seem to care at all. That REALLY annoyed me and I was getting ready to write to Mary Portas! I could go on about this for ages but will stop now as it will turn into an almighty rant!

Teenie has made cupcakes so I'm going to go downstairs and see if they're ready. I don't particularly have an appetite at the moment but I'm managing to eat at mealtimes. I have lost weight since coming home, maybe it's because I'm walking about more? I don't know. I can't wait til I have more energy and I'm able to actually GO on a walk! Right I'm off downstairs, laters!