Dreaming about sleep

Is that even possible? It can't be possible. In order to dream, you need to be asleep (which obviously, I'm not) so I am day-dreaming about sleep. Yes that makes more sense. It is very strange to be so tired but unable to drift off. The other night I was listening to the shipping news on Radio 4 and THAT didn't even work. In the end a programme about the translation of the King James version of the Bible got me. After that started, I fell asleep for about 2 hours which was great progress. Maybe I should i-player that programme and play it on loop. Hmmmm. Yesterday at Charing Cross we were waiting for ages and I very nearly fell asleep in the waiting room. I'm not really one to sleep in public places so I was quite surprised. The only time I force myself to sleep in a public place is at camp. Every time I've been to camp with William, we are first to volunteer to take the kids to the cinema so we can have a nap. It's quite an expensive nap but totally worth it. So basically, I am beyond the point of tiredness and I just can't sleep! If anybody has any suggestions, fire them my way.

Yesterday was quite a long day - the first day I had worn actual clothes and put on make up for quite some time! We arrived at the hospital early for my appointment and bumped into a friend from Ward 6 South, Suzanne. It was great for a catch up. The people I met on the ward in November were so lovely and it's been really nice that we've been able to stay in touch.

So, we eventually got into the clinic and as Prof is away, we saw one of his colleagues. I've met him briefly before and he was fully clued up on me so that was good. He was really helpful and confirmed that I will definitely will be having another round of the high dose. He said that studies (which there are not many of) confirm that two rounds of the treatment are more likely to zap all the cells. In their eyes I tolerated the high dose very well (even though I felt like I didn't!) and he was very keen to move things quickly. He said I should prepare myself to begin the next round at the end of January. He feels that if the two rounds are done closely together, there is a better chance of getting rid of all the horrid cells. However, he did say that the problem with me is that I am 'unique' (oh great) and that there is no exact way forward so they are working on a hunch. Their 'hunches' have all been correct so far so I guess we need to go with what they say. He didn't say anything I wasn't really expecting so that was fine. By this point, mother and I were STARVING so we popped over to Pizza Express for some grub. I surprised myself that I was able to walk that far - how lame does that sound?! From all the different times I've been at Charing Cross, I think Mum was a bit sick of the place but she got a glass of wine so wasn't that fussed.

Today was an appointment at Hammersmith which was supposed to be at 11am... 2 hours later we see the doctor! Anywho, we just had a blether about my medication (which apparently I now no longer have to take as I'm not neutropenic) and discussed dates for the next round of high dose. He said I dealt with the treatment very well and that my stay in hospital was a lot shorter than the average. I can't believe how much I complained compared to how long some people have to stay in for! Gosh I moaned a lot about it. Anyway, he said they wouldn't think about giving me the next round until the middle of March as my body needs time to recover. He said that my lungs have taken quite a bash from all the chemo I've already had and they need quite a bit of time to pick up. So now we have a bit of a dilemma... The prof isn't back until next week and we think he'll push for it to be quite soon but the doc today is very reluctant to do that as he doesn't want to cause even more damage. It's something they need to sort out and I need to trust in their wisdom but it's quite a lot to get my head around! Hopefully they'll decide soon and we'll be able to make some concrete plans.

On the plus side, we are travelling back to Glasgow tonight! Mum and I are booked first class on the Sleeper and I'm quite excited. Ruth and Ally came to London on it and had a hoot. I'm just looking forward to being in my pyjama's on a train.

I've not been off the laptop in days and I'm feeling like a bit of a computer geek. I can't wait for some energy to return and I can get out and do things! I'm so excited to be heading home as well. One thing I can't wait to do is go to bed and re-read Sense and Sensibility (I don't care if that sounds sad). I think it is probably my favourite Jane Austen and for some reason I have a total hankering to read it right now. My hands and feet have gone totally mental from the chemo (numb/pins and needles/cramping) which is why I've not been great at texting back and replying to folk via email or facebook - easier on the olde fingers! I'm also looking forward to playing the piano. I really don't know what I'll be able to manage with my hands like this but I am determined to learn to play a few ceilidh pieces in time for Burns Night!

Also, I am absolutely rubbish at New Years Resolutions but this year I have made one... At some point in 2011, I am going to make a Croque en Bouche. Here is a snap of how one should look (well 3 in this picture)...

I'm unsure why I want to make one but oh well. It can't be that hard eh?!

I still have Jamie's camera (after borrowing it for Tasha's wedding in July...) and last night got round to putting up some pictures from December. We went out for dinner for Teenie's birthday on 10th December and here's some snaps from that...

Oh this was the hair situation - starting to thin again and fall out everywhere. Very annoying.

James doing the Home Alone pose. He is convinced he had never seen it, total lies. He also knows exactly how to play Rummy.

The next night was an early Christmas Dinner with the usual suspects and here's a few snaps of that... I do love a good snap. How excited does Jamie look?!

It was a lovely evening and feels so long ago now! The next day was not nice at all - this is Teenie and I trying to smile before we left for the train...

To end, here are some pictures of my room... I loved the flower decorations Stef sent - really brightened it up and everyone commented on how nice they were! Thanks dear.

So, I think that's probably enough for today. Sorry if I have bored you! Hopefully my next blog will be from Uddingston... And I will have got some sleep.