Monday, 12 July 2010

05:25.. AM

Yes, that is the time and yes I am wide awake. My back is killing me so I have been pacing around the day room. For some reason walking kind of calms it down. During the night I have had quite a lot of morphine, cocodomol and the nurse just gave me diazapam (I have probably spelt all of them wrong) and nothing seems to be working... It would appear that I have a strong resistance to pain medication - Oh great! I've not really felt sick at all until last night/today but I get a 'sicky feeling' whenever this back pain gets severe. It's also in my chest, it's kind of a pulsing pain and feels like someone's punching me in the chest and back at the same time to a rhythm. The beat is simple time and possibly 4/4 - oh I'm a lol. I can't remember if I wrote this in my post last night, but they think it's related to the GCSF Injections I've been getting. I get them three times a week, a week after I've had the chemo. I had my last one last night so I presume this pain will continue. Oh well. I need to man up.

Something I forgot to mention in my post yesterday was my luncheon with some chums on Saturday. There was about 12 of us and I had told everyone we HAD to to the The Goat (which used to be a regular haunt) as they did skinny fries (which I have been craving). So, everyone trots along to The Goat and guess what... They have changed the menu and have NO SKINNY FRIES. I honestly thought I was going to hit the waitress. How sad is this that this is my only news of note? I do feel that everyone who was at lunch felt my pain though, they are good friends. A few people even offered to slice my chips (which were hand cut, yuckers) into skinny fries. How kind. Anyway, after this I decided that I will never go to The Goat again. Headline news eh? Call Heat Magazine!

I have no idea how much longer I'll be in here. I was due in on Thursday for chemo so I think they might keep me til then. They checked my white count again last night and it is apparently now 0.02... I've been told this isn't great. I find it strange that this can be such a big deal but I can't feel it. The only thing that's really irritating me is the back pain (I presume tomorrow it will be tiredness...).

Oh yeah, Dad made it to London and is going to see the prof. I don't feel nervous (which I thought I would), I actually feel quite excited. I think he's going to call me about 11am. I want to figure out how to put my phone on speakerphone so me and mum can both talk to him! If anyone knows how to do that on a blackberry, let me know... I've had it for months and I'm still clueless.

You know what song's going round and round in my head... The Drugs Don't Work. It won't leave! I think I might try to go to bed and put on my ipod... Hmmm but what to listen to.. I have a playlist on my spotify of acousticy stuff which I feel sends me to sleep - it's mainly Lou Barlow and Ben Kweller (who I actually do like) but it seems to work. Maybe that's what I should do. Or maybe I'll turn into one of those weirdo's who listens to rainforest noises to get to sleep?! No, probably not. And no offence if you're one of those weirdo's. I'm sure you're not weird.

Right I am now just typing cos I'm awake. It's light outside so it will feel strange going back to bed. The nurses have been so lovely tonight though. I feel like I'm being such a pain but they're reassuring me that I'm not!

Also, hair update... It is still here. I am balding but it's staying strong! Good night, well morning I guess.


  1. Keep hanging in there Mairead. I think of you often and say a prayer for you when I do. Reading your updates is very encouraging and I'm looking forward to hearing what advice/info this Professor shares with you. xo from California-Carrie

    ps - I have a blackberry but am calling it the crapberry b/c it keeps deciding when it will and will not work. ugh

  2. There is a way to get speakerphone on blackberry but i can't remember how anymore. Hope you find a way.

    Did I ever tell you about the time I met Ben Kweller's wife and baby in the QM lift? Well, if not, I met Ben Kweller's wife and baby in the QM lift! That is kind of the end of the story.

    You should try and get them to add skinny fries to the teen menu.

    Every time you mention the Prof I think of Professor Oak from Pokemon. I'm hoping he lives up to those expectations!

    Speak soon Mai Tai!


  3. Hello my little super trooper! I've just gotten my internet set up in new place and this was the first place I headed to...

    Thinking about you as always- GUTTED bout the lack of skinny fries!! I've got everything crossed that the prof has good news for you.

    Remember that I'm 6 hours ahead of you so if you ever feel like a chat at 5am let me know....
    love love love